As much as I dreaded the super early biological alarm clocks of my kids when they were little, as an empty nester there are Saturday mornings that seem too quiet.  Life with young people is usually complete with noise so my normal is anything but quiet.  So, this morning as I fed Swaggy and heated water in the kettle for my pot of coffee, I needed some noise.  I turned on the television and found College Game Day and heard Desmond Howard say, “You have to tailor your system to the strengths of your players.”  He and the other commentators were having a discussion about a coaching staff at risk of being fired soon because of a stubborn attempt to successfully implement a system without the type of personnel that would make that system productive thereby successful.  Immediately, I began to think about how this phrase related to leadership on any level and in any field.  It made me wonder whether it was worse to be a leader too stubborn to adjust the plan based on the talents of the personnel pool or the leader who doesn’t understand the goals and objectives of the team well enough to recognize that adjustments are needed for success.

Success for me has never been defined by economic benefit alone.  I have always measured success through an evaluation of the human factors and the ability of the team to meet basic necessities of the group and those served by the group.  In the past, I have watched people in leadership struggle in their work environments with making sensible decisions that require them to trash their perfect scripts and draft a plan that makes sense for the situation.  I have silently watched this phenomenon while wondering if the regimented leader with the “perfect script” was so full of pride that it was not possible to accept the fact that there might be a better alternative or whether the leader knew very little about the subject matter and just didn’t recognize the need for a change.  Both possibilities, unfortunately, yielded the same result for me.  When the leader has the team rely on decisions rooted in pride or ignorance, I have seen staffs lose faith, hope, and trust in the system and lose respect and trust in the leader.  Talking about being a great team never made people believe they were a team and talking about being a great team never made a team be great.  If that were so, my band of exercise challenged friends and I could have been members of any championship team we selected.  I have seen people talk a good talk while presenting a plan of action that lacked a realistic and thoughtful consideration of the skill sets of all of the personnel available to the team.  My thoughts made me go from ones focused on pride and ignorance to wondering if I was in the presence of an animated character from a magical world pretending to be a supervisor or team leader.

Those types of experiences taught me the following lessons:

• The team must believe that the plan is realistic.
• The team must also believe that the plan can get them to the “greatness” goal.
• The team must believe that the leader actually understands the details enough to demonstrate how the team members will contribute their unique abilities to reach the desired outcome.
• The team must believe that you have the willingness and ability to guide them and support them through the challenges that will arise on the way to that outcome.

I learned during my stay-at-home mom days that many folks did not make good leaders or team members for teenagers and young adults for many of those reasons.  Around age eleven, children form strong opinions about things that impact their lives.  During those prepubescent years, I saw the brightness in the eyes of children dim as they realized grown ups were flawed and pretentious.  I also learned that the movement of children from a belief that their adult villagers “hung the moon” to the reality of imperfection shocked children and made adults seek refuge behind punishments, gifts of electronics, escapes to work, and flowery empty statements about euphoric life experiences.  This leadership model severed relationships between children and adults.  Learning of the flaws and incompetence of a team leader can minimize the productivity teams in other fields too.

My time as a stay-at-home mom actually prepared me for leadership more than any class I ever took or job I ever worked outside of the home.

• I learned the value of listening.
• I learned the importance of admitting my mistakes and owning them in the presence of those impacted by my errors or shortcomings.
• I learned that my children respected that I could admit that I was scarred and imperfect.
• I learned that my admissions of my failures, my imperfections, and my ignorance about things made my children trust me. They felt safe letting me help them through their challenges.
• I learned to ask the kids questions then hear and see the world from their vantage point.
• I learned that the children will trust those who put in the hard work of sacrificing their time and energy when the children need them most.
• I learned that a chatty, noisy car of kids was better than a quiet group any day.
• I learned that my thoughts about children and my beliefs about systems, practices, and people changed because of the young team members in my village. The village kids made me better.

I hope that leaders will use my lessons as a mom to do what Desmond said: “Tailor your system to the strengths of your players.” Leadership is not limited to athletic teams or politics.  We can lead in any space if we choose to lead.  Leadership takes courage and a certain comfort level with the possibility of imperfection, failure, and isolation.

• Excellent leaders recognize they don’t know everything.
• Excellent leaders ask questions and invite the advice and expertise of those experienced in the areas where the leader has less knowledge.
• Excellent leaders surround themselves with advisors who have the courage to give an answer other than “yes” to every question.
• Excellent leaders give credit to the team members when credit is due.
• Excellent leaders do not waste the time of the team with personal agendas that work against the development of the team and the goals.
• Excellent leaders support personal growth of the team members then celebrates the accomplishments and growth of team members and that of the team as a unit.
• If you become an excellent leader, you will enjoy a thriving, chatty workplace and not an office filled with quiet, disgruntled people.