I made a decision a few weeks ago to take self-care to another level.  For the last year or so, self-care meant a trip to the nail salon or the beauty shop or some mindless watching of a movie or other show.  For at least two years, one of my staff members has invited and encouraged me to visit the gym she owns with her husband.  She was definitely one of the coolest people I know and their gym was only ten minutes from my house.  Why didn’t I say yes to that invitation years ago?

My normal dictated only random exercise and binges of healthy and clean eating.  My normal dictated a draw toward starchy comfort foods complete with a side of fries or chips.  I enjoyed healthy snacks, but not always in moderation or at an optimal time of day when I was most active.  My normal also welcomed spending my time working, organizing, and supporting others in a manner indicative of a true shadow dweller.  Once again I found myself at a crossroad needing to make some decisions about the balance of self-care and the demands of work and family.  Changing the course of my normal has been tough because some things in my life remain constant.  I have felt like a living laboratory experiment weighing whether or not I have correctly defiined the constants and the variables.

My constants had become:

• Work long hours.
• Sleep fewer hours.
• Eat snacks to stay awake in the evenings so that I could convince myself that I took time to recover from the work day.
• Skip dinner when nobody else was home to eat with me. (Well, I didn’t really skip. I snacked my way through the evening.)
• Let my activity tracker on my arm become simply a colorful bracelet.
• Wishing the clothes that fit fit differently.
• Wishing the clothes in the closet I liked just fit.
• Avoiding purposeful actions to promote a shift in my attitude and actions to guide me to choose a new set of constants.

My mental process took me into a few conversations with students, friends, colleagues.  All of these conversations contained constants that I used to outline this new experimental phase of my journey.  I realized that all of the things I knew would bring order and stability to my life were my variables and not my constants.  Two specific conversations with students entered my mental laboratory.  The first student came to my office to share a story of dysfunction and frustration and I told the student that the following considerations needed to be a part of daily practices and decision making:

1. There are 24 hours in a day.
2. “No” or “no, not at this time are appropriate responses.” And
3. Schedule time for yourself.

I wrote these three things on a white board in my office so that I wouldn’t forget them myself.  I learned that remembering does not equal doing.  The second student came to my office and my plan was to offer the student encouragement and support.  Instead, the student encouraged me.  The student said that I needed to try a mindfulness practice.  I was even given an app for my phone.  I laughed because I often advise students to let the smart phones be smart to make their lives more manageable and there I was learning that it was time for me to do the same.

Finally, the wisdom of supportive colleagues was hurled at me in a layered attack.  Apparently, it took a series of events to get the attention of one satisfied with her normalcy.  Just saying that I was satisfied with normalcy aggravates the high achiever in me.  My big boss (as I call her) at our most recent division meeting had a staff member present on issues related to living a more active life.  Then, a host of other colleagues either in my department or who collaborate with my department made themselves responsible for establishing a village for me.  Saying that out loud makes my eye moist because I know that they care about me enough to help me set healthier boundaries, develop attainable, realistic goals, and search for alternative, reliable means to accomplish work-related goals and tasks.

A friend once said to me that I had to learn to be comfortable in a job in which I would never be caught up and I would never be ahead.  When she said that to me I chuckled because I could see how her comments were valid, but I had not lived the experience yet.  I had no context for understanding her comments at the time.  It has been almost a year and a half since she shared her wisdom with me and since that time I have learned that maybe I wasn’t so “comfortable” never being caught up and never being ahead so I dedicated many hours to my office to stay “caught up.”  In addition, I labored over some of the issues of office management at random moments when I was away from the office and at times when I should have been sleeping.

I hope that my introspective look at my efforts to redefine self-care will help someone live smarter and healthier.  I hope that my challenges will encourage someone else to accept the prompting and support of a willing village and reconsider the constants and variables weighed on a daily basis.