“I love to be around people who retain a sense of childlike quality,” said Bryan Cranston when he appeared on the CBS Sunday Morning Show.  His statement normalized my need to embrace laughter and opportunities to break from the heaviness of life to engage in a joke or a giggle.  Past experiences that made me feel abnormal or weird for choosing not to take life so seriously all of the time took center stage in my mind.  I began to rethink the what it meant to be “normal” since I have spent much of my life feeling something other than “normal.”

Often I speak about feeling like I have lived much of my life as a square being forced into a round hole.  In my youth, I didn’t see how many people probably felt like me.  As I grew older, I learned that life can truly resemble The Game of “Perfection.”  Folks scramble around trying to fit into one space or another listening to the loud clicks as the clock winds down.  There is no time for distraction in the game of perfection, but in life we tend to forget that we have only one lifetime to accomplish the mission for which we were placed on the earth.  The tick tock of the clock fades into the background as we spend the time assessing and reasoning with ourselves to figure why we don’t fit into the “normal” crowd.

What did it mean when people said I didn’t “fit in” with their group?  What was it that made me not “fit in” even when I seemed to be perfectly matched for the category description? Why did I regularly find myself a perfect outlier?  How was it that those who excluded me spoke as if they knew me better than those I called friend? My friend circle has always been relatively small which made the fact that most of the comments about me came from people with whom I spent little time.  In the last few years, I also noticed that people who seek to exclude me had difficulty accepting their exclusionary practices.  Rather than own their decisions they justified their actions to recruit support from others by saying things like, “She’s not as polished as us,” “She talks too much,” “She’s too loud,” “She doesn’t know her place,” or “She’s too silly.”  Comments like these taught me to work hard at blending into the fixtures or fading into the dark space behind my tinted lenses.  Ironically, my efforts were not met with any acknowledgment of behavioral changes, but rather with more judgement.  I heard new descriptive words and phrases like “rude,” “standoffish” (if that is even a word) and “an angry black woman.” I shook my head a lot and probably rolled my eyes too as I came to realize that much of my outlier experiences had little to do with me not being “normal,” but more about me literally not having the capacity to live my life painting inside of the lines with the same palette every moment of my life.

I traveled many figurative miles before I realized that human boundaries kept me in a cyclical path that could never fuel my spirit or encourage my soul.  Instead of engaging in spirited, passionate work of a visionary, we get distracted trying to figure out why other people do the things they do.  I reflected on something I have heard coaches say during interviews: “We should be competitive in this game” or “On paper, we should win this game.”  The disclaimer, “on paper,” considered the intangible qualities that created the identities of the teams preparing for the competition.  Humans forget about the intangible qualities that make us uniquely who we are equipped for particular missions in a lifetime.  Because they forget, they design spaces to share with their perfectly shaped peers.  Their circle owns the same neutral color palette representative of their monotonous, structured lives.  It took a while for me to realize that some association with people who painted inside the lines was necessary for me, but that life could never be my “normal.”  I have color palettes in my head with offering a plethora of color choices in my head.  Mentally, I am constantly dancing outside the lines painting with a wide brush. I’m not judging folks whose brains don’t operate like mine. Somebody should paint the space inside the lines, but that somebody probably won’t ever be me.

When Bryan Cranston appeared on the CBS Sunday Morning Show, I replayed part of his interview several times in order to document his words so that I could use them to inspire me and others later.  He reminded me that many of the reasons for my exclusion from the circle dweller clubs made me perfectly suited for life outside the lines engaging with people who thrive on new, spontaneous, vibrantly colored conversations and collaborations.  Bryan Cranston said he enjoyed being around people who were “still holding on to the sweetness, the sense of wonder.”  He told the reporter that he “love[d] being around people who retain a sense of childlike qualities” because “it’s refreshing.”

I love the work I do because I interact with young people daily who dance outside the lines with brilliance when given permission to do so.  I love to watch their eyes the minute that they realize they have permission to live the “normal” life they were called to live.  The energy generated by a community of innovators and thinkers welcomes the diversity of people, thoughts, gifts, and talents intended to bless all of us when we don’t block the blessings.

I hope that this post will encourage the serious minded, structured folks to consider the value of having someone in their inner circle who embraces the silliness and wonder of a child.  Here are some reasons that I keep a couple of childlike friends in my circle:

• When children experience wonder or laughter, their positivity is contagious
• I’ve heard that I there are few wrinkles when I smile as opposed to when I frown. Why would I ever want more wrinkles?
• I learned from gyrokinesis that a deep laugh can push out stale air and make room for more oxygenated air.
• Laughter helps me relieve stress.
• Laughter brings my happy hormones (endorphins) to the surface.

“If you forget about the people, you miss what it is to be smart,” said David Graham, the Deputy Chief Operating Office for the City of San Diego.  I watched a story about San Diego becoming a model smart city.  He has been instrumental in the vision and strategy of using technology to enhance the lives of all of the people who live in that city.

Mr. Graham spoke about his work with passion and purpose.  He focused his comments on the positive work and goals.  He met the negative with more affirming words for the momentum to make San Diego a smart city.  He did not waiver in his commitment to improving his city.  He defended his renewed his work while differentiating it from other technological powerhouses that profit greatly from data collected from consumers with or without the knowledge of the consumer or user.  He noted that the aim of his work was not anchored in an expectation of personal gain, but in creating a more accessible city for everyone in San Diego.

As I watched the segment, I began to think about my work.  I thought about how his words could apply to so many things unrelated to smart cities.  More specifically I wondered, how fantastic it would be for everyone to use their abilities and opportunities in service for others.  I think people forget that if they do anything that improves their environment it gets better for them too.   The converse was also true: If you stink up the place where you are, it stinks for you too.  If both those statements are true (or can be true), why not make it better for everyone?  I recalled telling my children that there are three types of people at any job: the one that just does what is required, the one who does less than is required, and the one who goes beyond the expectations for the job.  I reminded them that they always got to choose how their performance would be categorized.  In general, I made this statement when we ranked our customer service experiences.  I knew that in the business world, satisfied customers returned or promoted the business to friends.  Unhappy customers frequented the business less or avoided the business altogether.  So, again I ask, “Why not just use your powers for good and make the place better for everyone?”

Mr. Graham’s steadfast commitment to improving the lives of others inspired me.  I was inspired to rethink how my work can reach beyond the walls of my office to impact positively each person in the campus community.  I have been the subject of a journalism strategies class on campus and I asked the students how their ideas to help me gain more exposure through social media would reach the ten percent of students who were not as engaged in the community as the top ten percent of engaged students.  I wanted to know how I could be certain that my work was extending beyond the expected circle to find the students who believed they had no resources and no person on campus to hear their needs.

I appreciated Mr. Graham considering ways that technology would best serve the underserved constituents.  His objectives to give to those constituents a safer community with access to sustainable resources.  My virtual seat in the presence of this visionary offered a very real benefit for me.  I weighed the self-reported data collected to inform campus programming and services against the times I felt hijacked by a data collection team.  In my opinion, Mr. Graham was right that sharing my personal information felt better when I agreed to share information for the purpose of making my life better.  He was also right that I was skeptical and more guarded after learning that my preferences and tendencies were tracked and appropriated for the benefit of a company or unrelated entity to gain wealth.

The challenge for each of us this week is to determine if we are using our abilities and capacity for betterment of a person or community outside of our immediate circles.  If you find that your work or actions influence others, examine the methods you use to confirm that your work has the influence you believe it has on the community.  If you use surveys or some other form of data collection, think deeply about whether anything in your operation changed because of the data.  Ask yourself if anyone would agree with you that your work resulted in the betterment of the community.  Ask yourself if you intended to make the community better for everyone or if that was happenstance.

Sometimes we work hard and forget that our work should be about other people we serve.  When the segment featuring David Graham ended, I played it back a few times and took some notes.  I like to believe that I always consider the students in my decision making.  I always want to know if the data dictates a change in my actions to keep me from being stagnant and unproductive.  Self-awareness about the resources in the community and your use of the same is imperative in coming anywhere close to the mindset of Mr. Graham.  I know he was not talking about students or a college campus, but this principle of never forgetting the people we serve encompasses more than smart cities.  I believe that our communities, our country, and the global community improve when we all relentlessly work to use our unique gifts and talents for the good of others.

Have you ever said something like,”If only I had known then what I know now.”  I have said that more times than I can recall.  The truth is that I might not have done things differently even if I had known the outcome.  Sometimes I think that we believe that we can change the outcomes so that history doesn’t repeat itself.  It might also be that we believe that even when the odds suggest one outcome we are capable of influencing the events in such a way that we produce a different outcome.  In my reflections on my family’s experiences with mental illness, I realized that my experience has been that I have never had control over the mental wellness of another person.  The only thing I ever really control is our response to circumstances and our preparation for potential situations.

I am reposting this post I wrote some time ago because people who are dealing with mental wellness challenges (as well as their families) still need affirmation and encouragement.  I also want to speak to those who deny the existence of mental wellness challenges or who do not believe that medial treatment should be an option for management mental health issues.  If you find yourself or someone you care about concerned about mental wellness issues, please refer them to a health care professional for evaluation or counseling.  Please avoid shaming, minimizing their symptoms or concerns, and encouraging them to skip medication doses.  Accept that “we all have something” as my mom used to say.  Your something may required medication to regulate your blood pressure, your pain, or your migraines.  Don’t be responsible for aiding your friend, a loved one, or yourself in neglecting mental health wellness because you don’t completely understand it or because you are embarrassed because other people don’t understand it.

If I had known then what I know now, I would have journaled regularly and found a way to process all of this information sooner.  I hope that you will have at least one positive takeaway from my experiences and use that takeaway to improve the health of another person who is struggling.

Be well.

Things I wish we had known when mental illness found us – Part 2

I spend a lot of time coaching young people through transitions from kid to captain of their journeys.  I have watched some young people navigating the terrain like they chartered their course years prior.  On the other hand, I felt the wrath of the entitled youth too proud to admit that a glance at a map might have been more advantageous than the spontaneous decision to begin a journey with no plan.  I guessed that sponteneity fed the free spirit within the young ones, but the choice to hike through the wilderness without rations or a compass seemed shortsighted, in my opinion.  Who am I to judge someone else for being less cautions than I have been?  Should I feel guilt or gratitude for my role in teaching valuable life lessons to the youth regardless of their chosen path?

As much as the church has taught me that my life events were scripted for me by God before my existence, there have been days when life has felt like a real crap shoot.  I have wondered if God was playing a holy version of “Plinko,” standing in the heavens dropping monster chips through random mazes in order to determine outcomes like the game show contestants on the “Price is Right.”  This theory crept into my thoughts this week as I lived the emotions of rest takers doing life on the edge.  I wrestled with what made some embrace the structure of disorder while others transferred the responsibility and liabilities for their actions to me.  I also considered why I found myself drawn to invest in some who started the trip with no map even though both groups expected that their high risk behavior would generate amazing rewards.

Interestingly, I observed that my level of engagement of time, emotion, dialogue, and other resources moved up and down a sliding scale smoothly like I was changing the volume when that song I love plays o through my speakers.  I considered three cases studies involving young people I met in the last year or so: one was a student, one was a college graduate, and one an uber driver who boasted about lessons learned in the school of life.  The exercise made me feel like an investment banker analyzing a consumer seeking the level of buy in from a stranger with the intent to received much needed capital.  My capital, I determined, was the time, the energy, and the weight of decision making expended to determine whether or not to accept the invitation to join the youthful adventure.  I learned that I was more likely to lean into the adventure when there was evidence of the following:

1. Awareness of the thing sough even if the goal was somewhat general, but based in logic.  For example, acknowledgement of wanting a degree or wanting to succeed in order to be the first to give hope to those who sent you away from that comfortable place to find your way.
2. Passion for the work that is the essence of the outcome sought.
3. Ownership of the current status and the decisions that led to that status.
4. Resourceful actions taken to navigate through the challenge and the humility to ask others to hope move the needle to the goal when you get stuck trying to go at it after realizing that you don’t know what you don’t know.
5. The courage to confront fear with an offensive strategic mindset matched with calculated, well-timed defensive coverages.

What draws you to engage and invest in others and their adventures? What do you intend to accomplish by engaging and in a sense taking some ownership of the other persons adventure.  I am drawn in for the reasons stated above and I hope to remind them that life isn’t intended to be perfect so the realization of their imperfect plan is perfectly fine.  I also encourage the adventurous ones to keep an open mind, embrace the detours, and remember that they set out on the course searching for opportunity to blaze a trail.  My goal is to teach, inspire, and enlighten young people that this practice is life.  It is living.

Instead of spending time writing last Saturday morning, I made some early morning phone calls, went to an exercise class, went to a fitness tailgate, then I skipped the game in order to go hang out with a friend who needed  time to vent and laugh.  By the time I got back home, I wanted mindless activity and a nap.  Since it was too late to take a nap, I opted for an early bedtime.  Before putting the journal and the computer away, I wrestled with my decision to choose sleep over choosing to write while drowsy.  I battled against the potential that I might disappoint readers and the feeling that I failed because I missed a week of posting to my blog.  This internal struggle made me reflect on the work I have been doing to reset my internal compass in order to take better care of myself and regain my focus.  I was frustrated that I had so much difficulty choosing my wellbeing over my to do list.  I reminded myself of my children when they were toddlers going hard for hours and then collapsing without notice. Why did they go so hard all of the time and I have I conditioned myself to do the same?

I go hard all day analyzing, creating, exploring, and fixing situations, circumstances, and things.  Over the last few weeks, I have been looking for ways to quiet my mind.  I used to watch episodes of every version of tiny living shows as my primary escape.  However, now that I have joined the world of television apps I don’t always have access to the tiny shows so I have expanded my viewer menu options.  Since the tiny shows are not as accessible, my evening “entertainment” came courtesy of reruns of “Impractical Jokers,” “The Closer,” and “House Hunters,” and “Big Bang Theory.”  I also used movies made for television and random documentaries to distract me from the busyness in my head.  A few months ago, it became clear that my recipe for wholeness and wellbeing was insufficient so I searched for videos and apps to help me settle my mind so that I could sleep.  I also knew that I needed to reintroduce exercise back into my life.

Labor Day weekend I decided to activate my membership at a local gym.  It was long overdue.  While I knew that I should have committed to a workout regimen at least a year ago, driving myself to the gym for the first time in a very long time took determination and courage.  The determination to overcome the frustration I felt because I had to start over yet again setting and working to achieve new fitness goals now complicated by age and hormonal changes.  Additionally, I had to ignore the voice in my head that encouraged me to postpone the trip to the gym.  I fought against the urge to let my car drive me to the nearest restaurant to buy something that was not a salad.

Once I vocalized my need to change my ways, committed to join the gym, and confirmed that my membership card was activated, I set out to ease my way back to some type of movement.  Walking the track was first although I wondered whose bright idea it was to put the dang track on the fourth floor.  The first week I was winded walking up the stairs to the stupid track.  There was an elevator right next to the door for the steps.  I was really tempted to take the ride up, but peer pressure forced me to walk the steps.  The resistant fitness patron (me) wanted to count the time it took to climb the stairs as a part of the workout.  I really don’t love walking in circles or using stationary equipment, but I had to start somewhere.  As I walked in circles trying not to lose count of my laps, I considered how I would overcome my apprehension about participating in group classes.  It could only have been the devil working to discourage me from doing one of the things that worked so well for me every other time I worked to be more fit.

The last time I joined this gym I went to pilates, yoga, and zumba.  The zumba crowd was very young and the instructors liked to do moves that revealed the true age of my knees.  The thought of going back to that class was intimidating because I felt older and less fit than I was the last time I tried that class.  According to the experts at the gym, my options for dance classes increased during my absence.  I read the dance class descriptions, but that was not enough to persuade me to register for one of the classes.  I did, however, get up one Saturday morning to try a new class called gyrokinesis, pronounced /Jie-row-kin-e-sis/.

The gyrokinesis class was being taught in the yoga room which was a familiar space for me.  I also loved the fact that the room was on the second floor and not the fourth floor like the track.  I really didn’t want to show up to a new class sweating and gasping for air.  I walked in to find a really nice lady named Gina who had the body of a ballerina.  Her smile, her bright eyes, and her bubbly spirit radiated to me, “I am super happy to welcome new students to my class.”  None of her students that Saturday morning had ever taken a gyrokinesis class and we didn’t know what to expect.  The description simultaneously confused me and peeked my curiosity.  Reportedly, the class combined aspects of gymnastics, yoga, pilates, swimming, dance, and meditation.  Hmmm.  I was not a gymnist or swimmer.  Yoga and pilates generally revealed that my flexibility challenges were not helped by my sedentary job so I felt a little bit concerned that I would not be able to successfully perform the practice.  I enjoyed dance and meditation because both left me feeling refreshed, energized, and at peace with my self and my circumstances.  I couldn’t imagine how we would incorporate all of these exercises into one class.

In addition to the mental exercise required to make sense of the course description, I tried to figure out why there were black stools in close proximity to the nice instructor.  The black stools were tall and medium while the blue ones that resembled a stool that someone might use in the kitchen were not tall or medium.  The blue stools were more accurately described as stools built for the vertically challenged.  Gina instructed us to use our yoga mats to create a circle.  She described the circle as a wagon wheel, but I thought of it like a sun.  The wooden floor was the center and the mats made the rays of sun.  Just when I thought it couldn’t get more interesting, Gina told us to put the stools on top of the mats.  “Ok, whatever you say,” read the thought bubble in my head.  I have been told that trying new things keeps your mind sharp and time with Gina  definitely met my criteria for a new thing.

One class with Gina and I was hooked on the benefits of this class.  In fifty minutes, Gina taught us at least four different ways to breathe in cleansing breaths and exhale stale air.  It was a safe place to learn the breathing techniques without judgment.  I gained an appreciation for the energy generated within me while appreciating the synergy created by me practicing alongside the other folks in the room.  We sat in our circle participating in what Gina called “a moving meditation.”  We stretched our spines in all directions while we imagined wearing magnetic belts to keep our cores engaged throughout the practice.

The foundational principles of gyrokinesis promote the practice of the fluid, circular movements we use every day like twisting, reaching, stretching, and breathing.  The practice surprisingly required concentration and coordination to perform the butterfly movements that resembled a breaststroke and the movements that made us look like we were blooming flowers.  The choreographed movements loosened my stiff muscles and oiled my joints.  I enjoyed being in the class with people of all ages and body types.  It was cool to be in a community of learners receiving instruction from the ONLY certified gyrokinesis instructor in my city.  I haven’t told her this yet, but she is a combination of two of my good friends, Lauren and Jo.  I also never told her that I spent most of the first class trying to figure out who she reminded me of as I worked to keep breathing and moving rhythmically with everyone else.  I am so glad that I took the risk of going to this class.  I think that the people who attend this class can’t help but be kind-hearted and supportive of one another.  The energy in the room was positive and my best was all that was expected and there was continual affirmation of my efforts to do work through the practice.

If you have been putting off a health related goal or two, stop putting it off.  Stop procrastinating and finding excuses to avoid becoming healthier.  Take a page from my book and start with something.  My something was a forty to forty-five minute walk at least three times a week.  After a week of walking, I added gyrokinesis.  Two weeks later I added a spin class.  This week I increased the intensity of the walk in order to burn more calories and fat.  I am proud of my decision to do something.  I am proud of my decision to push myself to vary my fitness options.

Take care of yourself.  Be kind to yourself.  Try something new and you may find something new to love.  I found gyrokinesis.  I love the part of this moving meditation practice that allows me to scan my body to see how I am really feeling from the soles of my feet rooted in the earth to the top of my head.  Gina reminds us every class not to judge ourselves, but to be aware of anything new or any changes since the last scan.  I encourage you to take a literal scan of the varied aspects of your life and make some decisions about how to bring more balance.  If you are looking for a peaceful, mindful practice, please try gyrokinesis and let me know what you think.

About a week ago, I was not loving my new normal.  I decided to take out a journal, put pen to paper, reflect and sort out my feelings.  It might have been against my better judgment to reduce to paper some of the thoughts in my head intent on including them in this post.  I also think it might have been in conflict with the advice of a wise friend who told me to maintain the same verb tense throughout my posts.  While I knew that consistency in verb tenses mattered, my ability to express the conflict in my spirit and mental processes rated higher in the pecking order of rules for my written communication that day.

Like other folks, life has afforded me lessons that I wished could have been taught without me experiencing them first hand.  On the other had, I have had some amazing opportunities and rewards that only came because I was present to live in the moments.  Often I believed that I spent more time experiencing challenges than rewarding moments.  I have written previously about the pendulum swings that seemed to hover at the extremities of the arc for a lot longer than the time spent in the middle of the arc.  The extremities for me have represented the highs and lows.  It represented those disappointments that loitered on one end or the arc that were the equal and opposite forces to my most exciting and rewarding mementos.  Before writing this post, I spent time convincing myself to accept my own coaching related to perspective and the ability to embrace change.  Giving advice to others has come so much easier for me than adhering to my own wisdom.

This crazy ride on the swinging pendulum started as  I packed for my last trip east.  I felt like the kid enticed to ride the swinging pendulum in an amusement park because it appeared to be so much fun.  Once committed to the ride, I learned that life constantly lived at extremes was not that much fun.  I was reminded of being a child on a swing set that had gotten a little out of control.  I remembered being on the swing set with metal legs that were not secured with cement.  With the base merely sitting in a dirt hole without being secured with cement, the entire structure rocked and lifted from the ground.  The instability initiated the flight or fight responses in me.  As a result, I extended my lefts toward the ground allowing the tips of my toes to scrap the ground every time the pendulum ride brought me close to the middle of the arc.  Well, fight or flight responses have become too common in the last several years of my life.  Life has been the grown up push most kids beg for at the playground in order to increase the chances of “fun.”  A big push generally meant the ride would last longer.  That long, intense ride was pretty exciting as a kid.  However, in this grown woman life that I am living right now, I need both feet on the ground for a minute!

I began the process of slowing the ride a few weeks before writing this post.  Slowing things down felt good.  Slow, however, did not provide the control I needed.  Slow only provided an awareness of details and realities about things that previously were flashing images zipping past me when the pendulum was in full swing.  Reality made me consider pumping my legs to generate momentum so that I could avoid the truths revealed.  Truth was the sibling of awareness and the cousin of accountability.  As I drug my feet to slow the ride, I wished for truth to be my very distant step relative.  It came to me that truth and awareness existed whether I decided to swing higher or not.  Another truth was that my decision was only my decision.  My decision would also influence my perspective of the images I saw as the swing slowed.  More swinging meant that I would be choosing the instability of the swing set that was sure to cause me to crash and fall.  Choosing to pump my legs and cause an inevitable fall from the toppling swing set felt as ridiculous as willfully slowing the pendulum just enough to avoid stopping it completely to avoid seeing those images more clearly.

Was this not the definition of insanity? “Doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.”  “Ok,” I said to myself, “Say out loud everything that bugs you, then develop a plan to address each thing.”  The prayer of serenity followed: “Lord, grant me the strength to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”  I added to that prayer the following: “Lord, don’t let me get paralyzed by change or challenge.”

I implemented a hard pause which stopped the swing.  I gained control because I took control of the moment.  I am still not overjoyed with my current circumstance, but I do have new perspective and motivation to make meaning of my station while simultaneously developing a plan of action.  I have renewed energy driving the plan which makes success more likely than not.

I have no idea what issues my readers are experiencing, but I pray that each reader will gain control of what might feel like a swinging pendulum.  I pray that the things my readers need in order to support them in this period of change or challenge become available to them.  Finally, I pray that my readers will find excellent villagers to encourage, enlighten, and otherwise provide them needed support.  I hope their villagers are much like or better than those who have stepped up to support me.

I learned of the Microsoft DigiGirlz Camp several years ago.  It didn’t occur to me at that time that I would ever be a part of the camp experience.  It was no secret that I was outside of the target age range to be a camp attendee and my daughter outgrew her eligibility for registration for the camp many years ago.  So, I never explored the mission or methods of the DigiGirlz Camp before this year.

Before this year, I had a general understanding about the purpose of the camp and some of the topics presented to campers.  My limited knowledge did not make me curious about learning more in years past.  Instead, it took me back to memories of technology experiences I enrolled my kids in when they were younger.  When my daughter was in middle school, she attended what I think was a week long summer camp in the Midwest where the campers learned how to produce movies using computer software.   As I recalled, I also wrote a number of checks to pay for chess camps, software, and supplies for all of the projects that encouraged analytical thinking and scientific innovation.  I remembered the ladybug flashlight my daughter designed and built.  I chuckled about the extents that I took to ensure that someone with a technological background assisted her.  I bribed a church member with an engineering technology background to explain to her the purpose of each of the parts we purchased and explain to her why the parts had to be assembled in the manner explained
by the instructions.  Another time I bought some sort of wooden sticks for her and a high school friend to use when they entered a bridge building competition.  Their team name was “The Ballahs” which was pronounced ball-ahs which is slang for ballers, if you still missed it.

Several months ago, a representative from the local Microsoft office asked me if I would serve as a keynote speaker for the DigiGirlz Camp.  I read about the camp and observed the excitement building within the company as they discussed this event.  I was honored to join forces with Microsoft to educate, enlighten, and empower girls to explore technology related topics and experiences.  I spend every day doing something intentioned on inspiring young people so word “keynote” seemed to formal and too grown up for the hour I would spend with the girls doing what I do every day.  I did, however, love the description of my presentation as “motivational.”

I’m not sure the girls had any idea what a “keynote” address even meant and it was my guess that if a “keynote” anything was an option outside of this event they wouldn’t have chosen to attend.  “Keynote” felt overused.  It reminded me of conferences I have attended that have a number of keynote addresses and speakers.  I guess the word was supposed to make me standout as a special person whose message deserved to be heard.  The internal challenge for me was that my voice and words only would have meaning if the girls wanted to listen and if the girls gave me permission to speak.  Minimizing my role by thinking of my time with them as one in service to uplift and empower gave the power back to the campers (or at least it did in my head.)  Although the itinerary said “Keynote” I aimed to prevent myself from being caught up in the “Keynote” status.  I envisioned the word as an amazing platform upon which to stand and deliver words of affirmation, historical framework for women in science, and five things the girls could remember that would help them be successful in life.  This platform enabled my message to project around the circular room and each of the girls to see my excitement about their potential to achieve and overcome on their journey to attain their dreams.  Gratitude and humility filled my space as I realized the opportunity that had been gifted to me.

Most often my student presentations are geared toward college students ages seventeen to twenty-three.  I hoped the younger campers would get my humor and comedic timing.  They did.  I also wondered if they would recognize images of a typewriter, an outhouse, and pay phones.  They did.  In contrast to the dated technology, I presented futuristic devices used in the movie Black Panther that were invented by Princess Shuri.  I wondered if they would enjoy the hearing Princess Shuri introduce her brother to her new inventions.  They did.  I wondered if they would care to let me read a book to them about the life the first Black female aviator in the world, Bessie Coleman.  Would they like being read to like the elementary school children I’ve read to in the past.  They did.  Finally, I wondered if they would enjoy making paper airplanes as takeaways and reminders of the need to dream.  They did!

Every encounter with young people should be an opportunity for grown folks to learn.  Here are a few things I learned from the girls:

1. Grace reminded me that it is smart to only communicate or connect with people online who you have actually met.
2. Young people enjoy hearing stories about your youth.
3. Young people love grown folks who are transparent and not afraid to reveal their own imperfections.
4. Young people like it when grown people give them a chance to speak out loud about their dreams without judging them or their dreams.
5. Young people enjoy laughter as much as I do.

Here are the five tools I gave the girls to help them live their dreams:

1. Be yourself!
2. Stay in school!
3. Build a village of encouragers!
4. Be alright being the first to do something cool!
5. Keep dreaming!

Preparation for the DigiGirlz Camp stretched me to organize my thoughts and my presentation in a way that would be Straightforward, Timely, Educational, Age-appropriate, and Motivational.  Showing up for anything whether you are the presenter or the attendee is a risk.  I am so thankful that I said yes to the opportunity and that the girls took the risk of showing up for the camp.  I am not certain that all of the girls will choose a career in technology, but I have no doubt that their two day camp experience will pay dividends by boosting their confidence, broadening their exposure to the diversity of opportunities in the field, and expanding their network of supportive adult professionals who can guide them as they make choices about their studies and careers.  DigiGirlz Rock!