When I was a child, my Big Mama said, “One day that child is gonna do something really special.” I have spent all of my life trying to figure out when and if I was doing the “something really special” Big Mama spoke about during my childhood. Was the something graduating from high school? Was it my college or law school graduation that she would deem “special?” Did my life in the shadows caring for my family members or my children equate to doing “something really special?” Now that I am many years removed from the moment she spoke promise and hope over my life, I realize her words had the power. Her words encouraged me to let the idea of the “something really special” marinate in my spirit for years. Big Mama’s spiritual eye saw things and situations often before those things occurred. People (including me) often categorized her comments as prophetic messages. So, the vision of “something really special” sat on me like a weight of responsibility to be special and great. Additionally, her words kept me focused on the possibility that I had not yet achieved the “something really special” and the hope that I would accomplish that undefined thing or experience. Big Mama was a genius!
We considered Big Mama the matriarch and leader of the family. She was my dad’s mother who he called “Mother.” She didn’t mix her words and her words came from a place rooted in compassion and concern even though they sometimes felt very critical and judgmental to me. When I was a child, I thought Big Mama was the strictest, most rigid woman I knew. In my young mind, I believed she preferred me to live in a church listening to gospel music, reading a bible, wearing only dresses with a hem line below my knees for my entire life. With age came wisdom. Today, I am thankful for her leadership and her style of leadership that kept me centered on a message of hope and promise absent of drama. I learned important lessons about life and leadership from Big Mama that I used as a parent and mentor to young people. Those lessons also proved helpful in my leadership roles outside of the home.
The first lesson learned was the importance of demonstrating ownership and concern for the group whether the group was my family, a youth group board, or the department at work. Big Mama taught me to value the family because of the fact that we were a family. She used to say, “You can’t pick your family.” She was right about that and her truth that we became a family by no plan of our own forced us to stay on task trying to make the family work as best we could. Likewise, as the leader of a group or department, the task of accomplishing the goals and missions of the group had to be realized using people I didn’t always select or know very well. Her guidance wisely directed my focus on accepting the individuals in my work family as members then focusing on how each member might contribute to the goals and mission of the team. Big Mama had no time for nonsense and as leaders I learned that not being clear, transparent, or responsible for the team permitted nonsense to have a voice on my team. I learned not to focus on asking why someone worked with the team, but focus on the potential of each team member to contribute to the task of reaching the team mission and team goals.
Secondly, Big Mama taught me to value the individuals in the family. Big Mama praised me for being smart and artistic. She would ask me to help her with math problems and play songs on the piano when she visited. The memory of me with a note pad teaching Big Mama addition and subtraction always made me smile (and it still does). I knew that she could count money so I wondered why she needed a math tutor. I never asked her the question because I enjoyed sitting with her and I loved the feeling I felt when I believed I was helping and teaching her something. Her affirmation made me feel special and I embraced the idea of excelling academically. Big Mama taught me the benefits of admitting a weakness when leading a group, then trusting a team member to teach me and strengthen me. She taught me the reward of affirming the member of my team and encouraging the members to cultivate their particular skill sets.
Finally, Big Mama taught me that she was an excellent leader because she spoke boundless limits over her family members while establishing boundaries set to protect them on their journeys. She used to say that “when your kids are young they on your lap and when they old they on your heart.” Her statement further emphasized the continuum of concern she held for her family members. I believed that she cared about me from my first memory of her until her death. Because I believed that she saw me individually, I believed in the things she said to me and about my potential to do “something really special.” Moreover, I respected her authority and the restrictions because I believed in her sincere concern for me and the hope she saw in me.
It is my hope that as a leader of my family and in other roles that my team members believe that I care about the team collectively and about the members individually. Like Big Mama, I hope that I can encourage my team to focus on the fact that we are a team charged with a mission and purpose. I hope that my leadership will keep the team stayed on the goals and the mission instead of asking why we ever became a team in the first place. More than respecting me, I hope that my team will respect the mission and the goal to the extent that they choose to leave the nonsense outside of the workspace, whether it is the home or the office, put their pride aside, and do “something really special” for themselves and those in their spaces.