“Rejection is protection”

Posted on Posted in Teaching Moments, Uncategorized

Lois Greene is an amazing woman! She is a financial evangelist. I had no idea such a person existed. I had the blessing of attending the final day of a two day conference at my church and she was the keynote speaker. I had a lengthy conversation with her about my passions and my struggles. I told her that my past involved some pain, some isolation, and some rejection. I explained that I have been rejected by people after I did something with the intention of being helpful. I have been rejected by people because they think I talk too much, because they thought I talked about them, because I didn’t know how to act like a sophisticated aristocrat, or because I stood up to folks who they held in high esteem. I am a person who will own my stuff if it causes someone else pain or injury if they bring it to my attention. I have learned though that some people just reject what they don’t understand, or what they deem different from them, or those things they can’t control, or things and people that make them face a part of themselves they would rather deny. As I am writing this, I am reminded of what my husband always says, “Don’t you

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adopt their issues and make their issues yours.” It’s been easier for me to hear his advise than to accept it and move forward without rethinking the situations that I think may have led to moments of rejection. I am a problem solver and I really like to solve the mysteries associated with people and why they think and behave like they do. It is really funny, or not so funny, that I had to have the same discussions with my kids about rejection. It was so easy to tell them all of the reasons why other children might have rejected them: because they were not followers, because they had active parents who would call and check the story, because they may not be willing to do what the other kids liked to do, or because they were the new kids and the other kids just didn’t know them well enough yet. With my game face on, I have given my kids the advice their daddy gave me. However, I hurt for them and for myself because I realized people can be mean, catty, misunderstood, and distant as kids and as adults. It’s painful to be the subject of rejection as a child and it’s painful as an adult.

Lois Greene listened intently to my disappointment in people who I trusted and the confusion clouding my thoughts about what I might have done to produce riffs in relationships. She heard me voice my frustration that there were some situations where the person rejecting me won’t even have a discussion with me about the incident that caused our separation. Honestly, I expected Lois to offer some lengthy words of advice and recommendations on how to repair relationships, but her only words were, “Rejection is protection.” Those words were heavy and made me consider some of the times I was or felt rejected. She was right. The rejection separated me from some situations and people who hindered my growth and development. The rejection made me focus on my passions, goals, and priorities. The rejection my kids suffered saved them from some unhealthy, unsafe, and messy situations. When I left the conference, I immediately called my daughter to share this new insight. She said, “Oh, wow.” We both had an Oprah “Ahha” moment. What a great lesson and a necessary change of perspective. Her enlightenment gave me cause for much thanksgiving. Thank you, Lois Greene!

 

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