If we are honest, we all have some learned behaviors from our pasts that lie dormant n some crevice in our brains.  Those behaviors lie in wait for the moment that a trigger will awaken them and deliver them to significantly impact our present situations.  Unfortunately, those behaviors that you thought were forgotten and lost in the place where old things go to retire are really sitting in the cut anxiously anticipating the invitation to participate in your life.  The  learned behaviors can be like bullies in that they serve to remind you of your imperfections and challenges.  You subconsciously walk through life knowing the bully lies in wait like the guard dog, King, who lives behind the fence at the house on the corner.  You allow yourself to be punked by them over and over again until they literally wear you down.  In my adult life, I became aware of the presence of one of my childhood bullies.  I resolved to acknowledge the bully and the fact that I had allowed the bully power in my life that it did not earn or deserve.

During my childhood, I learned about the need to please.  I have learned first hand about the emotional and physical drain that comes with pleasing people.  At times, I have pleased others or worked hard to be an excellent pleaser simply because I believed that people expected me to do so.  I believed that I was expected to consistently meet the standard of an excellent pleaser.  In addition, I enjoyed the praise that came with the completion of every task and the comments that made me resemble a savior because my response to a crisis left the situation better than it was before I entered the scene.  Over time, the recipients of my efforts to please expected more and more.  As the list of pleaser seekers grew, it became apparent that I couldn’t keep up with the demands.  It took too much energy to perform at that level to complete tasks and carry concerns and challenges for other people all of the time.  Rarely did the pleaser seekers, as I call them, willingly give me time off from my task of pleasing them.  I, the pleaser, enabled the seeker and that realization became a new unexpected burden for me.

As a pleaser with a goal to make everyone’s challenges more tolerable, I created a completely different set of challenges.  In my role as pleaser and caretaker, I got pigeon-holed into a role by those who benefited from my efforts.  The recipients of my deeds often contributed to limitations in my growth by holding me close.  Their ability to keep me, the pleaser, in close proximity to them was important and necessary if they were to successfully attain their goals with minimum output.  My absence or a change in my focus would significantly impact them and their ability to use me as a resource.  I was thankful that I was available to help my family and friends, but I realized that it took me a long time to assert myself in a way that set boundaries and limits on how I would use my skills, my time, and my energy.  In my efforts to understand my need to please and support others, I learned that there was freedom in standing up for myself.  Codependency did not look good on them or me and my decision to take control of the use of my time, my energy, and my emotions made me stronger which strengthened those I sought to please.